Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The first cut is the deepest

"Do you know what the sharpest thing in the world is? - A fart. It can go through your pants without even cutting them."    - Ted Kelsey

Sunday, March 13, 2011

"There was an old man from sinclair
who tried to make love to a bear,
the hairy old brute took a swipe at his root..
and left nothing but scrotum & hair."

                  -Ted Kelsey

Saturday, February 26, 2011


My grandpa asked me this question this morning:

" If a donkey is an ass, and a sheep is a ram... then why is a ram in the ass a goose?"
                   -Ted Kelsey

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


"Johnny go milk the bull
There's only one tit to pull
Grease it with lard and jerk it hard
and you'll soon have a bucket full. "

          -Ted Kelsey

Monday, February 7, 2011


"A womans ass and a whiskey glass made a horse's ass outta me!"

                     -Ted Kelsey

Thursday, February 3, 2011


"After that last Census we just had... it turns out there are alot more Horse's asses out there then there are horses."  
          -Ted Kelsey

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Old man River

High in the mountains, low in the grass.
The old man died with a cobb in his ass.
The cobb came out & the air came in
& The old man came back to life again.