The first cut is the deepest

"Do you know what the sharpest thing in the world is? - A fart. It can go through your pants without even cutting them."    - Ted Kelsey

"There was an old man from sinclair

who tried to make love to a bear,

the hairy old brute took a swipe at his root..

and left nothing but scrotum & hair."

                  -Ted Kelsey

Trivia

My grandpa asked me this question this morning:

" If a donkey is an ass, and a sheep is a ram... then why is a ram in the ass a goose?"
                   -Ted Kelsey

beastiality

"Johnny go milk the bull
There's only one tit to pull
Grease it with lard and jerk it hard
and you'll soon have a bucket full. "
          -Ted Kelsey

Alcohol

"A womans ass and a whiskey glass made a horse's ass outta me!"

                     -Ted Kelsey

Irony

"After that last Census we just had... it turns out there are alot more Horse's asses out there then there are horses."  
          -Ted Kelsey

Old man River

High in the mountains, low in the grass.
The old man died with a cobb in his ass.
The cobb came out & the air came in
& The old man came back to life again.